Episode #2 - Are you addicted to social media likes?

Wake up.

Reach for my phone.

Check Facebook.

Check Instagram.

Check Twitter.

Take a photo – edit, crop, think for that perfect caption.

Update the live story and your status.

Wait.

Wait.

First few likes.

Phew!

I feel validated.

Sounds familiar?

Technology has completely altered the nature, quality and quantity of our social interactions. Never ever before we have been so exposed to the world – from our morning routines, places we go, eat or meet to our workouts, bedtime routine and our friends and family. Its all out there. Exposed to everyone who wants to look.

On average person has 5 social media accounts. And we roughly spend 2 hours and 33 minutes browsing these networks every single day. The popularity of social media is growing but we also can see another acceleration here – raise of mental health problems.

According to American Psychological Association the most socially connected generation aka millennials are the most stressed out generation. Teenage depression rate has grown by 70% over the past 25 years. Eating disorders has doubled over the last 7 years. And it doesn’t just stop at young people.

We are all plugged in all the time. Walking around in the information overload, feeling overwhelmed by emails, texts, WhatsApp, Instagram notifications. We don’t take even the minute to consider what our tech habits are doing to our mental well being and overall health.

After social media started connected the world and we all begun shrinking our busy life into a series of 140 characters, Instagram filters and started running our own personal accounts like advertising agencies by marketing our fabulous lives, many of us forgot to read the attached handbook that said “This might fuck up your life and this is how to deal with it when it happens”.

Nope, we did not read that. We all jumped on that oversharing train not really knowing where it will take us. And many of us have been left more insecure than ever, addicted to external validation, and suffering from emotional overload.

Unplug. We all need to unplug.

But what if you can’t unplug? What if your work requires you to be plugged in? What if you enjoy being plugged in? We need to explore how can we make our plugged-in lives better. Less toxic. Healthier. Is it possible?

I still remember when social media became a real thing. I think I was around 20. So, I can clearly remember how life was before social media madness. So peaceful.

With social media my morning routine was – wake up, scroll, comment, like. Like, like, like, like..

Now let’s stop and see what I done there physiologically! I went through approx. 100 people lives – validated them, celebrated them and liked their wonderfully filtered life and then returned to my unfiltered reality, not even taking a second to double tap and validate myself. How it left me feeling? Pretty shit.

It should not be called Instagram; it should be called compare-agram.

All I was doing was absorbing the information about everyone else’s life. Social media makes us feel like life is on a high all the time, but in reality, its ups and downs. Sometimes more down, sometimes more up, sometimes in the middle. A very few people post – I had a shit day; I had a fight with my boyfriend/girlfriend…no! We all try to make our lives to look as perfect and wonderful as possible.

No surprise we all feel like we need to do better, be better, look better do more, just to keep up with the illusion of everyone else’s life around us. It means that our expectations for life are just growing and growing and the pressure we put on ourselves, just to not feel left behind, is making us anxious and stressed out.

Social media has ability to magnify human emotions and then slap you with them on a daily basis. Before you could kind of hibernate, you didn’t know what’s going on, but now FOMO (Fear of missing out) has been created. You now you go online and you have a cheeky browse and BANG you see all your friend at a party and you are not invited to it. And you are sitting at home, in your pj's thinking – "omg they are having the best night of their lives and I’m not there. This is a disaster".

All human beings need to feel supported and feel loved to function at our best. Like culture is a little bit dangerous to satisfy our needs to feel supported and loved. I’m sure you can relate to the moment when you have loaded a post, waiting for that tick to go off. And there are no likes coming.

We have created a cycle of validating others and desperately craving that validations ourselves. Why we have become so addicted? Likes is like a drug. When you get a like it spars a dopamine release. A positive endorphin releases in your brain. So, when you load a post its exciting, you think how much interaction you are going to get but if you don’t get as much as you want you feel like you almost lost, you feel inadequate, you feel deflated. It doesn’t matter who you are, these double taps have become addictive

Technology is not slowing down. We are getting only more connected.

So, to prevent us from suffering from FOMO, anxiety and insecurities and further addiction we need to quickly establish new relationship with our social identity.

We need to focus on changing our mindset. Creating more loving relationship with ourselves.

Few things we should all keep in mind when it comes to changing our relationship with our social identity:

1. Social media is amazing thing if used wisely.

2. Everyone looks prettier, happier and skinnier. Don’t believe it.

3. Use it to be inspired and connected rather than to validate your life choices.

4. People share what they want you to believe – take it with a pinch of salt.

5. Be kind to people online, every glossy account hides a sensitive soul, struggling with their own battles

6. Avoid scrolling feeds if you are feeling a little bit low, instead focus on what you have over what you don’t.

7. Nurture yourself before others. Take time to care for you. Take some deep breaths in the morning.

8. Choose love over likes. Love is doing more for friends then just double tapping photos. And love for yourself is liking your own life before needing others to.

9. Live life for experiences not for the social media. The best things in life are real and come without a filter.

10. Unplug more often.

I know this is easier to write than implement but Im still work in progress. Im taking the power back.

Read "Why I decided to break up with social media" HERE. (And yes – I deleted it all)

I hope you found this discussion interesting. Let me know down below what are your opinions on social media and how you manage your relationship with social media. If you considered quitting, if you have never quit and explain your “why” because obviously I do believe that there is healthy dynamic where people can use social media and live very happy lives. There is no way “one size fit all” solution. Would be interesting to hear your thoughts.

If you liked this article, please consider subscribing to this channel if you want to keep in touch.

But for now, I will be rediscovering the things I liked before social media and exploring myself inwards. I am redirecting my energy to things more aligned to my goals, values and interests. I will keep capturing this journey one article at a time.

Don’t compare yourself to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.”

Regina Brett

Stay humble,

Liv